Side note: So sorry for the delay in updating you, the snow in the Midlands prevented me from getting to work for the past two days!
At the start of this IVF journey, the Lord gave me this piece of scripture to hold onto:
For it is God who is at work within you, giving you the will and the power to achieve his purpose. Phil 2: 13.
It appears that we need to cling to this scripture now too, at the end of the journey. Monday yielded a NEGATIVE blood result.
Needless to say it was beyond shocking. We were so not prepared for that outcome. We were telephoned with the results so we didn’t even go into the nurses to ask for further confirmation or proof. We simply started the car and headed home.
I spent the rest of the day ranting and raving at our Lord. I felt like such a fraud, like a child whose imagination had gone wild over the last couple of months, like a fool! What of all the scriptures, Lord? What of all the prophecies? What of Your words to me, Lord? Was that all in my own head? Was that the Deceiver? God answered.
God told me that all of what we had heard was TRUE. He still stands by all that He said. Whaaaat?! Yip, pretty confusing. So how do we gel all of what we know to be true with the results from Monday? Does that mean that there was a mistake on Monday and that perhaps we are pregnant? We don’t know.
Tuesday morning we had Judges 4 as our Bible study / Devotional. It is the most fantastic piece of scripture in terms of girl-power as it tells of how two women heard God’s call and obeyed. One of the thoughts raised in the devotional that morning was “who do you listen to?” Deborah (in Judges 4) listened to God. Are we listening to God? A strong reminder to keep our eyes on the Lord.
So what next? We simply do not know. We are hurt but by God’s grace, we are not angry. Are we pregnant? I don’t know (we were told over the phone when the got the results that I am to go off the drugs immediately and to wait for my cycle to kick in within a day – I am still waiting for this). Either way, God’s Word is TRUE and He WILL (or has) brought to pass all He has promised. It’s as clear as mud, I know and it is rather frustrating for all involved. I keep saying to Gary that God has plans to prosper, not to harm us – we must believe this.
The Word I had from the Lord on Tuesday morning was “WATCH!” So we WATCH and wait.