The never-ending rollercoaster

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This month yielded something new – a 31 day cycle!  I typically clock in on a 21 day cycle and never more than 25 days at the most.  So you can just imagine our excitement and confusion.

We haven’t a clue as to why I had such a long cycle.  The only thing we can think is that it is maybe the result of the laparoscopy this month (although with my past ops I never had a delay in my cycle so I’m not entirely convinced of this possibility).  Of course there is a part of me that hoped, in vain, that I might be preggers.  Then the other part of me worried that possibly menopause had kicked in and my cycles had now ceased!  It really is such a rollercoaster when you are watching your cycles and wondering what is going on in your body – “am I maybe pregnant”, “are my ovaries causing problems” “did I maybe not ovulate this month”, etc. etc.  So, in one sense, it is a relief that my new cycle has kicked in as it means that I did ovulate and that I have not (yet) hit my forecasted early menopause – WHEW! 

I’ll admit, I had a wobbly with the Lord when my cycle kicked in.  I mean after 4 and a half years of watching my cycles and praying to fall pregnant, I FINALLY have a reeeeeaaaaaally long cycle (which normally would mean without a doubt that I was pregnant) and then I hit the bottom of the rollercoaster again with my stomach lurching as my period kicks in.  Why Lord?  Haven’t we suffered long enough?  Why not this time?  Why not, finally, give us the miracle of a pregnancy?  Haven’t we waited (fairly patiently) long enough?  *sigh*  I don’t have any answers to these.  And I haven’t the foggiest idea what He has in store for us.  I just keep telling myself to trust and obey, to just keep going, just keep on keeping on – what else could we do right?  And no, I am not being brave or faithful, I just don’t have a choice.  It is by no means easy.  What it boils down to is that either I carry on and watch and wait, or I abandon my faith and hand myself over to darkness – which quite frankly does not appeal to me in the least, so this really is not an option.

So the big question for us then is what comes next.  Do we inform the Clinic and prepare for another round of IVF?  It’s actually now quite a complicated decision … so more on that in another post.

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2 responses »

  1. My Boo, you and Gary have really had your ups and downs with this “baby business” for these past 4,5 years. None of us can know what you have and are going through. The devil also has a fine time confusing issues for us. So just remember that our Lord is so great and sees and understands all of what you are going through and He will make things clear in His time. We are so proud of you both trusting in Him completely. My love to you both.

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