I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36: 26
This passage speaks directly to my heart and spirit. I am so deflated after all our attempts to have a baby which have failed. It could be so easy to get bitter and to harden my heart in this difficult time. Infertility is such a hurtful condition. Everywhere I look there are pregnant mommas and cute little toddlers, it tears my heart a bit every time.
I was just thinking this morning how I need to again harden my heart to wanting children and to move on. It’s the usual rollercoaster of emotions and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I was thinking to focus instead on doing up our home (I am a decorholic) and focusing more on our marriage (which is a good thing regardless). I was thinking how I must again start thinking on all the pros of not having children so that I can feel the joy of us being just “Darby and Joan”. I was thinking to harden my heart to babas.
Oh Lord, how I need a fresh heart, that isn’t bruised and broken, that doesn’t break so easily everytime I see other people’s joy of parenthood. Give me a fresh heart Lord, a heart from and a heart for you.