I made my decision Friday afternoon on the hot issue of a nursery or no nursery.
Shortly after I got home, I had an sms from my folks to tell me that family friends had just had their second baby, a little girl, they names Grace Eleanor.
Well that was the straw that broke the camel’s back – I made a bee line for the nursery and began dismantling the cot. I flat packed it, popped it into the garage, slipped the mattress into an unused hanging closet, packed the nursery’s decorative items away in the cute storage boxes intended for toys and ensured that it was ALL out of sight.
Suddenly it seemed as though I could breath more deeply! A weight was lifted and I felt … relief. A little grey cloud that had hovered over me and the connection I had with the room evaporated and I felt a little of my old self return. Encouraged by this, I promptly proceeded to scoot the furniture around and within half an hour I had a fabulous, lazy, library – with a charming view of the garden from the couch.
It is a wonderful room regardless of its purpose, the light is always perfect, the feel is cozy and no matter what it will always be special. For now, at least, I can use the room, enjoy it and feel content with where Gary and I are at the moment in our lives. Gary likes the library too – I found him comfortably ensconced on the couch there this morning, with our miniature dachshund doing Bible study together, it was a precious sight. I think it is a weight off for both of us. We’ve been so caught up in all the adoptions screenings and plans that we haven’t felt like our normal selves in a while now. PLUS – I can just picture the excitement when we know that a baby is coming our way and we can reinstate the nursery in sheer exhilaration.
Everyone is different and I know a lot of (stronger) people support the nursery idea and find it encouraging, I did too for a while. The pendulum swings both ways and we try not to fight it, so for now it’s a library but maybe next month…who knows 🙂
This is a hot question for me at the mo and I think is a good question. When you are seeking your baby through adoption, do you or don’t you have the nursery set and ready?!
In our home, the nursery has been set for some weeks now. We did this because we were advised to take a picture of a nursery to include in our Portfolio that we are putting together for birth-mothers looking for adoptive parents for their babies. So the stage has been set and is just about ready, even though there is no baby on the horizon – is this normal?
We’ve since decided not to include a photo in the Portfolio, so the question that lingers around our passage outside the nursery is … do we or don’t we pack it all up? On the one hand, there is an excitement in seeing a nursery in our home, with our beautiful kelim rug on the floor, some of our favourite art on the walls, the crib so kindly carried over to our home by our wonderful neighbours – looking charming with a bright pink blanket draped over one side … there is a sense of hope in seeing this room ready to welcome our baby home. Then on the other hand there are times I walk past the room and seeing all that WITHOUT a baby is like a sharp knife to the heart and old insecurities bubble up – “will we ever have a baby?”, “am I living in a dream world?”.
I don’t know the answer to this topic of discussion. It also depends what kind of day I’m having and what kind of mood I’m in. Today, for example, I’m leaning more towards putting it all away and making the room an adult library for now, filled with our favourite books and our spare, comfy couch for chillin’ on. I know the room can be quickly reassembled into a nursery when we know that we are expecting a baby. BUT (and here is the emotional yo-yo at play again) part of me isn’t sure if I have the heart to put it all away. By doing this, in a sense, it feels like we are packing away the hope that it will happen…soon.
It’s more than just furniture and stuff, it’s emotional – and that, my friends, is where the cookie crumbles.
Have a good weekend x
Somehow, we had naively thought that we were leaving the really tough stuff behind when we decided to abandon fertility treatments and go the adoption route. I mean, fertility treatments are ROUGH, so it seemed almost obvious that adoption was the easier option. Ha! I declare that adoption is as hard on the emotions as fertility treatments, and in sometimes feels harder. Who knew!
Why? Well, the whole process is lengthy, almost unnecessarily so, requiring months of Social Workers seeking extended family members of the abandoned baby and months of searching for a same race family to adopt the child (all very well if you are black but for white people this is the hard part as there are almost no white babies available). What I face daily is the agony of not knowing how long this will take; the frustrations of dealing with a government that puts all sorts of unnecessary stipulations on adoptions; the hurt at being discriminated against in the process because our skins are white and ultimately the pain of empty arms when I KNOW that out there are a number of unwanted babas wanting arms to hold them!
Adoption is not the easy option!
We totally get now why so many couples go the private adoption agency route. Dealing with adoptions through local networks is tough and challenging. It seems you get what you pay for – the more you pay for Social Workers, the better the service. Pay for private and you will be assisted swiftly, don’t pay and go through your local child welfare or the likes and you will not get far any time soon, or so it seems. So, we’re trying for the best of both, a balanced approach we hope – we are going with local children’s homes but using Social Workers in private practice, locally.
Every morning I eagerly open my emails to check the daily scripture verse – I have been so nourished by these this year and today’s is a reminder to me to keep my spirit up:
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength. Proverbs 17:22
I’ve gotta keep my big-girl-boots on and keep my chin up.
God is our safe place and our strength. He is always our help when we are in trouble. Psalm 46:1