Category Archives: The ups…

A Thanksgiving revelation

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We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in South Africa, however this year our church took the opportunity to mark this event.  We had a fabulous big, bare tree branch popped into the church and we were encouraged to spend some time in prayer and write our thanks onto leaf-shaped-cards and then to stick them onto the tree.  It was a beautiful idea both spiritually and to look at.

Most wonderous though was what I experienced during that service.  A GLORIOUS revelation.  I was giving thanks, quietly, for a time of peace from all the heartache we’d experienced during this past year, 2012.  We’ve been taking a break from actively pursuing any path towards parenthood and, although this initially it frustrated me, it has been wonderfully refreshing and given me a sense of restoration and normality.  However, during my thanks, I asked God, again, if he couldn’t perhaps heal my body of its dysfunction.  And then it hit me.  The Lord told me to give thanks for my broken body!  Whaaaat?!  That’s what I said!  He then opened my eyes to his view of it all and this is how he views it: 

The Lord LOVES me exactly the way I am. 

He MADE me just as I am. 

I am the way I am because he has plans for me, this is for HIS glory.

I am PERFECT, just the way I am.

Hallelujah!

Immediately I recalled a saying I’ve heard my Dad preach – I am God’s and “he don’t make no junk!”  I was shocked and released from pain all within an instance.  

It has been quite a mind shift but it is now the ONLY way I can view my body.  What did I write on my card in church?  I wrote – “I give thanks for a broken body”.  To be honest, I now don’t see my body as broken, I see it as beautifully different, moulded for His purposes.  And I can’t WAIT to see what he has in store for us! 

Shalom.

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Who am I to question

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I’ve been standing outside my office, looking over the KZN Midlands’ green pastures and hills and marvelling, truly marvelling at the most spectacular electric, thunder storm.  How amazing is God’s creation?!  The thunder is so loud, and rumbles so long, it has a deep-throated sound to it.  So much noise to come from a split second flash of lightning!  It makes me think … who am I … really?  God is so above us, so big, who am I to question the God of thunder and lightning, the Lord who commands the elements and made them, the King of kings!  I am simply me, and grateful to be a part of his marvellous, wondrous creation.

In the pink – test results in

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Yesterday I had the much anticipated call from the nurses to tell me of my results for all my recent tests.  Aparently I am in the pink of health 🙂

The biopsies on my cysts showed no malignancies, purely cystic fluid and tissues so no worries there – HALLELUJAH!  What a relief.  Although the Doc had said that they did not appear to be a concern one still worries and thankfully they are thorough and did the tests regardless.  Remember, I have not had cysts before so simply having them was enough of a bother never mind the thought of possibly having malignant cysts. 

I also had to do a test for infections (for sexual diseases to be honest) as my one fallopian tube showed an infection.  I had told the Doc and nurses that there was no way I could have a sexual disease but you can understand that they cannot take our word for it, we have to prove it.  And the results did just that – negative for any of the diseases.  I still don’t know what the infection is about but it is obviously nothing too serious and the antibiotics I’ve been taking after the op should nail it anyway. 

All that remains now is to wait for my next cycle to kick in at which point I will phone the IVF Programme Coordinator at the Clinic to advise of my start date for the next programme.  Just sooo excited!

It’s a breeze …

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I got this quote yesterday on a pack of sugar (you know those Huletts one-teaspoon sugar packets you get at restaurants or takeaways, the ones that have famous but most often corny quotes printed on the backs?  We have them at work) and I just LOVE this one:

A gentle breeze blowing in the right direction is better than a pair of strong oars.” Canary Island proverb.

I also love how it echoes the approach our Doc has taken this time around – a more natural approach, less invasive, less drugs, less stimulation of my ovaries.  Am loving this proverb so much that I might even print it out big and frame it to hang somewhere in the house 🙂 

So here’s hoping for a gorgeous, gentle, summer breeze on this latest IVF journey!

When we were young…

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In last week’s post, I pondered the idea of uploading a couple of Gary’s goth-boy-years photos.  Not that this has ANYTHING to do with fertility, or infertility for that matter (trust me, hair length has no power outside of the legendary story of Samson in the Bible) but it is good for a giggle, especially for a Monday.  So, here they are, the pics of my goth-boy hubby…

The above was taken I reckon in his university years.  But this one (taken after his studies when he was overseas in the UK) is my personal favourite:

He’s even wearing a tie!  Come on, how hot is that?!  I would totally have fallen for him had we met waaay back then.  Oh, and in case you’re wondering what that silver stripe is that looks rather like a silver pen stuck behing Gary’s ear, it’s only a staple, the pic was stapled into a passport.

Okay, so it wouldn’t be fair without me showing and telling all too, this old passport pic was taken around the time that Gary looked like my favourite pic above:

Look closely at my right eyebrow, spot the scribbly design there?  I was waaay alternative – I would henna designs onto my face – it would totally freak-out the conservative folk in my home town of Bloemfontein.  I did this right through my university years.

Amazingly, we were both overseas around the same time, in similar cities at the same time and never met.  Had we done so, we would probably have totally swooned over each other, however we were both dating others and were headed in totally different directions (I still had university studies to return to and he had finished studying and touring the globe).  So probably just as well we didn’t meet then, but had we met who knows where we would be now and how different life would have been.  Hmmm…what a couple we would have made, a goth-boy and hippie-gal 🙂

Nowadays, we look something like the pic below, both our hair styles have changed radically and we are both way greyer (although I am bottle blonde in this pic below I am in fact now all natural with a grey crop to match the hubby’s).

Times have changed, but on all levels, for the better.  He is still way hot and getting more swoon-worthy by the day.

Coping with the waiting…

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I had a colleague pop into my office yesterday to ask how I was coping with the big wait till Monday – the day when we go into the doc for the blood pregnancy-test.  I surprised her by telling her I was doing great – whaaaat?! 

Even I am surprised.  I was a “pee-on-a-stick” kinda gal.  Yip, the type that bought pregnancy-test sticks in bulk.   Almost every other month I was doing a test, hoping and praying…only to be so disappointed.  When chatting to my dear colleague about it, it suddenly dawned on me why I was so cool and calm…I have hope!  Previously, I didn’t know whether or not an embryo had made it up my fallopian tubes into my uterus, I didn’t know if we’d even made an embryo.  So I would test – anxious for some sign of hope. 

But today, I have that hope.  I know for a FACT that there are two little embryos inside my uterus – we saw the doc place them there.  We know this to be true.  What a glorious victory that is in itself.  I am relishing the feeling of knowing that, in essence, I AM PREGNANT.  Whether or not the babas make it is not up to me but God, and Monday we will know.

So for now, I dance in the knowledge that my babas are there and all is well.  I am not in any pain or discomfort so all that remains is to smile and wait.